No matter how wrong it feels to limit yourself in this way, to share your life with someone who can’t accept your expansiveness and who will tell you non-monogamy is just a phase, you will forsake this facet of who you are and try your very best to conform. You will drown in domesticity and routine, will change yourself in every way possible in order to prove you are “normal” and to create the kind of partnership that society recognises and views as valid and worthy. You will shut yourself off from the world, cocooned in your couple and try and try and try to keep it going – even when the leaks begin to show, even when you can’t stave off the flood.
But regardless of how truly someone loves you and how desperately you want to make monogamy work for you, none of it is enough. It’s never going to make you happy in the long-term if you sacrifice the fundamental part of you which wants to be open to many lovers and partners throughout your life. And a real match for you – someone who truly sees you as you are – will never ask you, influence you or try to manipulate you to be any different.
To continue the aquatic metaphor, humans are made of 80% water and you’re made of at least as much love – so much so that your experience of romance can’t be limited to one partner at one time. You’re brimming, overflowing with potential for warmth, connection and tender moments with others. It’s a beautiful thing, and not a failing or something you should feel ashamed for.
Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, if the weight of being queer and wanting to love in a way that goes against the grain is too much, know that things will work out. There are people you will want to commit to and who will commit to you, just as you are – accepting each other and the others that come with us.